I started a journal many years ago entitled "Life Lessons: The Classroom of Life" In it I've been writing about experiences and observations I've come to develop certain conclusions on. For the past 2 or so years there has been no new entry. Shame on myself. Growing up as a teenager and college student I was a prolific writer. Yup...got tons of notebooks and documents filled with a smattering of topics, lessons, ideas, and thoughts held together by nothing more than an underlying current of "Dude...I gotta write this down." Yea...that's about it. One day I hope to put some kinda order to them all. Here's a start I think...I decided to post some of them from time to time on this blog-o-mine because I know many of you back home (hey yall!) , some in Japan (o-hisashi buri desu ne?!) , and a few here in Singapore sometimes stop by this little speedbump on the information superhighway. No man is an island. What good is life if one doesn't share experiences one has been through? A friend once told me that blogs and things like it are for people who are lonely or need reassurance for their ego. Well, that just about wipes out the entire genre of autobiographies, self-help books, The Diary of Anne Frank...yea, I'm sure she really had to stroke her ego big time. haha...so silly lah! (had to give props to Singapore there)
My mom just published her first book last year based on ideas and journal entries she's had over the past 5 or 6 years. I hope one day to do the same. Not exactly sure what I'd write about, but comments from people since I was a teenager until now are pushing me to realize that it's time to, "...cowboy up." (in the words of my roommate)
Hey, we're all human and we all have very real issues in life! As I was reading over some of these entries I myself was tickled silly by some of the things I've said...and I still agree with the comments even after all these years. Wow...I was real serious at times when I was growing up. Funny, not much has changed...except that I find myself liking bananas a lot more these days.
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I'VE LEARNED:
Meeting old friends is always an interesting encounter. The conversation usually takes on the tones of where, what, how, and with whom we’ve been spending our last couple of years (or however long we’ve been apart.) I’m never sure if the person I’m talking to is really interested in knowing the answers or if they are just asking to be asking. Me, I wouldn’t say I’m interested, nor would I say I’m not interested. It’s just a way to keep a conversation flowing with someone who has a history with you. Depending on how well we knew each other in the past determines our level of interest, I guess. So for some friends I’m really into the conversation – their marriage, college years, jobs, etc. Others I have bumped into cannot produce a name with the face I’m talking to. Yet and still the surface feeling is the same.
It is the ending of these passing conversations that are the most painful. It makes my mouth go dry just thinking about it. The reason is that almost always people end up saying things like the following: “Let’s keep in touch,” “I’ll call you sometime,” or my favorite, “We should get together sometime.” Of course, none of these happen unless there is some great business, profit, or mutual gain to be had. Get together? Sometime? Uh, I haven’t seen you in the past 8 years and now all of a sudden we’re going to “get together”? What, to have the same awkward conversation that we are now having? Hmmm….I think not. Keep in touch? And the reason is…? The one that really makes me feel sorry for the other person is when they say they’ll call or they’ll keep in touch. Do you think I ever hear from them after that? Ha! Now all of this is from their perspective. What of mine?
I used to make statements like those. But not because I really meant them, but because that’s what seemed like the right thing to say. You know, it kept the peace. But then I realized it’s not that I don’t want to keep in touch or get together (except for the privileged few who earn that I-really-don’t-want-to-see-you-again status…heh.), but I have no interest in doing so. What would be the point? For me, there would be none unless we are working together towards some goal of sorts, some common job, club, activity, etc. I am not a chit-chatter, a small talk person. During these brief encounters that is what they are all about. So, I’ve learned not to say things like that…things that I don’t mean. Because usually if I say I’ll give someone a call, I will. Why? My goal is to say what I mean so that I will always mean what I say. Any less is hypocrisy. Am I good at it? No, everyday I challenge myself to do it. But then I’ll meet a long-lost school or job or church acquaintance and say to myself, “Here we go again.”
Now, the point is simple: I really like meeting people from my past, I enjoy talking about things that happened (“Do you remember when….?”). It is the promises, the things said, the intentions revealed during or at the end of the conversations that get me. It is better to say things such as, “It was good seeing you again. Take care.” “Have a good one.” “Tell your family I said hi!”
These are all safe, kind, and peaceful endings to chance encounters like these. They do not leave feelings of regret at having promised something knowing all the while that it would go undone. I’ve known many a friend who feel the same way. They say they hate saying “We’ll keep in touch…let’s get together” because they know that they never will. Why say these things?
Hard as it may be, when a person says to me, “Let’s keep in touch.” I purpose in my heart and mouth simply to smile and say something like, “Ya, maybe I’ll see you around! Take care.”
Sometimes this throws the other person off…they are expecting a mutual response to their suggestion. But hey, this is my heart, my life, my honesty I’m trying to uphold here. Sorry if your conscience is bothered. I want to sleep in peace tonight.
Lesson Learned: Say what you mean and mean what you say.
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