Whaja expect?

My taiko group back in Japan when we performed at the Annual Taiko Festival in downtown Kumamoto. I miss them so very much...look at the seriousness on these kids faces! They inspired me then, and still do to this day...

How intricate and delicate we humans can be at times.

I was discussing some weighty matters with a group of friends the other day during our holiday dinner (*ahem* dinnerS for me as every night for the past 3 nights has seen me throwing down turkey and/or chicken..haha) A couple in our church is getting married very soon and some of the other married couples were sharing thoughts about friendship, courting, marriage, etc.
Various questions came up with appropriate, wise responses.

"How do you know she's/he's the right one?" "When did you know you could start dating/courting?""How did you go about getting to know the parents?"etc, etc...
Not having any experience in the matter, I remained silent until a particular statement then follow up question arose:

A:"I think if you have too many or high expectations of your partner, disappointment sets in very early."
B: "So, how do you avoid disappointment?"
Me: "Don't have any expectations."

Sounds harsh in hindsight, I suppose. However, personal experience has shown me that the more expectations you have of other human beings, the more you set yourself up for disappointment. Yup...it is this that I wish to blog about. As C.S. Lewis said, "...there's a lot of nice things you can do with sand, just don't try building a house on it," when speaking about not putting one's trust in man.

Though I've yet to experience a serious relationship, I've learned a lot from watching others unfold (or fold) before me. More than not, it seemed that selfishness, unrealistic expectations, lack of communication, and personal motives were the root cause of many dumbfounded relationships.

Selfishness: makes sense to me because we are flesh and flesh is naturally selfish. In other words I can see how this sinful behavior can find its way into even the best of relationships. All anyone wants is to be appreciated and loved. Selfishness goes about fulfilling this natural need separate from the living God. What doesn't make sense to me is I never understood the concept of "what can I get OUT of this relationship?" I always thought it should be, "what can I put INTO this relationship?" SelfLESSness seems more appropriate...

Unrealistic expectations: nobody's perfect. For a person to expect their marriage partner to be perfect is like shooting themselves in the foot, eyeball, right knee cap, and heart. The only expectation one should have going into a relationship, I feel, is that of themselves: they should have high expectations of giving, loving, caring, and respecting the other person and/or group.

Give-Give

If I expect my mother to buy me a shirt and, heaven forbid (!) she doesn't, I get disappointed. On the other hand, if I don't expect her to do this, then whether she does or whether she doesn't, there is no room for disappointment. Now, naturally a mother/father's role in the life of a child is to provide for them physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, and mentally. So if the mum & dad uphold their responsibilities, then the shirt (or whatever the need or want may be) will be forthcoming per the parent's wisdom.

Now, this is an overly simplistic example, but the principle applies to all areas of life. I am fully persuaded about this. Sure, there are things friends are supposed to do, say, or act just because they are "friends". But if I always expected people or friends to treat me in a certain way, to be there when I needed them, to listen when I talk, to understand me, etc, etc...I'd probably be the most bitter person on earth. One lives and learns to do with or without the luxuries of life...

Instead, I believe the only expectations we should have are those ones we hold for ourselves. I expect myself to love my mother, father, sister, and family regardless if I get the shirt or not. And if I really need the shirt, I get a job, make money, and buy it. If another person needs the shirt, I buy it for them. To bring scriptural light to this, I will use a passage that the LORD impressed upon me many, many years ago. I can say it was revealed to me in the Spirit and has since been confirmed over and over. It shocked me, but also put a grave reminder and responsibility in my heart to be fulfilled one day:

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (Eph 5:22-25 KJV)

Many people preach/teach about how the wife is supposed to be submissive to the husband. Uh, hello?!? Can you continue reading? Husbands are to love their wives, "...even as Christ also loved the church..."

So the next question is how did Christ love the church? When this is answered, then we have a model for how the husband is to love the wife. Well, let's see here....

- He died for the church
- He gave up His time, energy, and self for the church
- He discipled the church and continues to do so
- He loves the church in all of love's most powerful aspects (see I Corinth 13)
- He forgives the church
- He protects, saves, delivers, and covers the church
- He ALWAYS is thinking about the church- He dotes upon His church
- He does not accept the church as it is, but accepts the potential that the church is fulfilling everyday (in other words, the church is continually growing and striving to be found perfect for Him...this is what He accepts and believes in: our continual growing)
- He romances the church with times of refreshing and peace
- He is with the church in deep storms and tribulations
- He will never leave or forsake the church
- He sings of our love every day and takes great delight in the church
- Basically, Jesus gave up everything anyone could ever ask of him for the church
- Shall I go on?...

Hmmm...I'd say we need to start preaching the latter part of those verses a wee bit more. The heavier responsibility lies with the dude in a marriage.

Now, I'm no marriage counselor nor do I pretend to have all the solutions or words of wisdom. But I do believe the Word of God should be used as the basis for all of our decisions and modes of living. So what I basically said to everyone at the dinner were the things I just wrote above because I feel so very strongly about them. If two individuals are committed to seeing each other grow, pursue, overcome, and strive for the kingdom of God and their own personal relationship with Christ, they will be unstoppable. The only thing that could hinder them is themselves.

A quote:

"Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but rather gazing in the same direction." Not all encompassing, but I agree nonetheless.

Here in Singapore I hear the terms boyfriend and girlfriend alot....even more than back in the states! And there are a lot of young guys and girls in our church who, very soon, will be considering life mates. Consider well my friends....I'd say beside choosing the Lord as your savior, choosing she/he who will complete and compliment you is the next most important thing. (Notice the words carefully chosen: complete and compliment)

(*sigh*...back in the day at my church I had the opportunity to observe this situation since I was much younger than the "eligible group" Now, I have the opportunity to observe this same thing since I am older than the "eligible group". haha...I should write a book.)
Well, that's all for now.

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. (Gen 2:21-25 KJV)

...perfection...